Today was my first day as a fully reinstated member of Toastmasters. I was really looking forward to today's meeting because I wanted to get some feedback about which workbook exercise I wanted to use for when I introduce myself to the other members of the club - which is also when I plan to introduce them to what misophonia is.

It was an interesting meeting with two primary presenters: one who read a speech that Steve Jobs wrote for a commencement address and the other honored Julia Childs by talking about how inspirational she was, not only to the speaker, but to people all around the world. I will admit that I'm glad that I sat right next to the lecturn because I wound up having to put in my earplugs to muffle out the sounds of rattling cookie bags. At least I was close enough, and the speakers spoke so eloquently, that I was able to enjoy their presentations.

I don't know how discrete I was in putting in my ear plugs though, and I really hope I didn't offend anyone if they saw me do that. In a way, that's one of the reasons why I'm looking forward to giving my first speech to this club, whenever I get on the schedule. After today's meeting ended, I spoke to the meeting leader because one of the other Toastmasters mentioned she once did an inspirational speech to motivate people about a medical condition too. I'm so glad I spoke with her because she inspired me with how to approach my speech about misophonia...

Many times, people use the "nails on a chalkboard" example to describe what it's like to be exposed to misophonia triggers, but as we were talking about my upcoming speech and what misophonia is, she made a comment about how it sounded very similar to when a person is trapped on a plane with a screaming baby. Not only are you having to internally deal with the anger and frustration of the baby's noise, but you're stuck in a confined space too with no possibility of escape, at least until the plane lands. That made me think of how I felt all the times I was stuck in a conference room meeting with a client, or even while at a family dinner table, unable to leave and escape from triggers out of fear to come across as being rude.

I'm not going to elaborate upon our entire discussion, because I know some of the other members have checked out this blog and I don't want to give any more "spoilers" before my actual presentation. Needless to say, I'm very excited about beginning this journey to brush up on my speaking skills and more formally spread the word about misophonia - this time, vocally.

This morning, I was watching the CBS morning news (as usual) and a report came on about two new studies (one in London, the others by the Harvard and Boston University Schools of Public Health) that linked the stress of loud noises with medical conditions such as heart attacks, high blood pressure, and stroke - particularly by people who live near an airport. Dr. David Agus, a Professor of Medicine at USC and "CBS This Morning" contributor, attributed the negative health impacts of the loud noises to increased stress on the body which leads to increased levels of cortisol.

I quickly grabbed a little sticky pad of paper off of my nightstand to jot down the name of the doctor and the findings of the study; but as I flipped the pages to find a blank one, I noticed that I jotted down that same doctor's name for another study he presented on "CBS This Morning" two weeks ago. In that study, Dr. Agus reported that mice were infected with a common parasite that altered their brain chemistry and apparently made them "lose their fear of cats."

Even though neither study addressed misophonia directly, I do see potential connections between their results and misophonia. With the first study, I've often tried to describe to others that the reason why I'm more tired than would be expected at the end of the day is due to the constant "roller coaster" of being on edge when exposed to a trigger and then exhausted after the rush of the adrenaline subsides . When triggers come at me dozens of times an hour throughout the day and then I finally get a lengthy reprieve when I go home, it's so easy to just want to stretch out in a barca-lounger and "veg" just to release all that stress, instead of going out to evening events during the work week. (Doesn't do much for my social life though.) If the stress of loud noises has been linked to heart attacks, high blood pressure and stroke, I wonder if the stress of living with misophonia might cause the same result - since it appears that misophonia affects the body similar to what they described happens to people after extended exposure to loud noises.

The second study also intrigued me when they aired it. If there really is a parasite that could alter a brain's chemistry and reduce a person's fear impulse, is it possible that the same parasite might lessen the "fight or flight" reaction caused my misophonia? Unfortunately, I doubt they'd even be able to research that theory without doing tests on humans, which I don't think the FDA would like very much. 

If I didn't know better, I'd swear that my television is out to get me... I've accepted the fact that, until misophonia is more widely known by the general public, I'll have to deal with triggers in TV commercials, but this morning was something different...

Just a little background: Every morning, I always leave the TV (or at least the radio) on for my cockatiel when I head out to work so that he has some vocal and extra visual stimulation while I'm away. I got in the habit of using my TV more often, since moving out to the Midwest, because it took me over a year to figure out that my little stereo wasn't dead but actually connected to a "hot" outlet controled by a light switch. (Yes, I am an architectural lighting designer. Doh!) Whenever I do leave the TV on for him, I tune it to the Disney Channel, because I know that there's no way that he'd be able to pick up curse words or bad phrases from that station. (I actually hoped that he'd pick up good words/phrases since they repeat a lot of the same shows. No such luck...)

I usually leave shortly after turning on the TV but this time I put it on while gathering my stuff for work. I don't know what show had just started (something having to do with kids riding a train) and the conductor started singing, "Give a Little Whistle... (whistle, whistle)"  Argh!!!  It was a catchy tune, albeit annoying when they did the whistle part, which made it that much more frustrating when the lyrics/tune stuck in my head - including the whistle!

[Sigh]  I think I'm going to have to blast some heavy metal in my earbuds today just to drive that tune out of my head. I'm just lucky that my little guy hasn't picked up that song... Yet! (I actually looked at him before I left for work and said, "You better not start whistling that tune." He looked at me as if to say, "If you don't start leaving on a channel that's more exciting, we'll see what happens.")  LOL!

Thursday afternoon, I finally rejoined Toastmasters. It's been over seven years since I was a member (when I still lived back East), and I'm hoping this step will help get me back in the swing of improving my speaking and leadership skills, which have gotten a littlle rusty over the years since my membership lapsed. Even before the meeting, I knew I was making the right decision to join the group. I got there a little early and one person came up to me to say how much he enjoyed reading this blog. The TreatMaster for that meeting said she was trying to be mindful of my sound sensitivities, so she made an absolutely delicious (and quiet) spice cake.  People were very excited for her to be TreatMaster again... Especially me!

After the meeting, I had the pleasure of speaking with two of the club's board members, as I turned in my completed application. They said they were looking forward to hearing more about my misophonia. What I found interesting is that they also said that they were sensitive to certain smells too, particularly perfumes. One even commented that she is bothered by women's perfumes more than men's colognes. That's when I shared my sensitivity to certain smells, particularly cigarette smoke, and told them about an experience I had nearly a decade ago...

Back when I was still in DC, I took public transportation everywhere. (It was cheaper than owning a car and it actually helped me get to know the area better since I didn't have to pay attention to the road.) One day when I was going downtown to the office, I sat down in a window seat on the bus. This man, who got on the bus a little after me, plops himself in the empty seat next to me. He must have just finished a cigarette at the bus stop because the smell of smoke around him was completely overwhelming. I knew I knew I wasn't

So, yesterday I spoke with the insurance company for the driver who hit me a couple of months ago and found myself in an interesting conundrum...

We're trying to work out a settlement and I tried to convey that the accident did more than just the body damage to my car and my shoulder injury... particularly since I wound up being over 2 hours late to work every day for two weeks after the accident because the Tramadol pain killer that the doctor put me on made it next to impossible to wake up (let alone function) in the mornings. In order for them to compensate me for the reprocussions though, the insurance representative needed documentation. I explained that I'm salaried, so it's not like my company docked my pay (I always made up the time by working late). I thought I could ask my supervisor to write a note stating how I came late to work all those days and couldn't lift heavy objects, and that's where I hit the snag...

Since I relocated my workspace back in January to lessen the number of misophonia triggers around me, I'm now in an isolated area  just up the steps one floor away from my supervisor; so he said he was not even aware of my coming in late all those days. In fact, he wasn't aware that I had also restricted myself from doing any heavy lifting too (e.g. light fixture samples). I realized that I was like an injured bird in the wild... Injured birds try not to appear sick, so that they don't become a target for predators. As much as I was in pain and altered my regular way of doing things after the accident, I didn't want to let on that I was suffering for fear my employer might think I can't do my job. (Reminds me when I was hesitant to even bring up my misophonia to my employer...) What made matters worse is that I'm in an area right behind the reception area, so other than the receptionist, no one else knew I was coming in late.

My supervisor said that I should speak to HR to see if there was something the firm could do, but I thought to myself, "The last thing I want to do is draw more attention to the fact that I came in 2 hours late every day for two weeks." As bummed as I am that I have no way to prove to the insurance company that the medication made it so hard to function for so long, I like the isolation of my current workspace location and I'm not going to jeopardize my job just to try to get a little more compensation from the insurance company. Hopefully, the information in the doctor's report will be sufficient. (I spoke with the nurse this morning and they have on record that I called their office on multiple days asking to get off the pain killer because it was making it difficult to wake up in the mornings.)

Now if I can just get the receptionist to put fewer treats with noisy, crinkley wrappers in her candy bowl...

On another note...  This morning I discovered a SECOND mattress company is now including whistling in the background of their morning commercials. What was worse was that a couple of times, that commercial was back to back with the first mattress company's commercial with the "Don't Worry, Be Happy" song whistled in the background. What is it with mattress companies and whistling? Whistling is the LAST thing I'd consider to be a relaxing "sleepy time" background sound. Why don't they ever use soothing instrumental music, like in day spas?

It inspired me to update the current poll question. Check it out on the main SenseHaven.com page.