"Change" in general is something I've thought a lot about lately. I think many people resist change out of fear of the unknown; and yet, if there's one thing my misophonia has taught me is that sometimes change is a good thing. If it weren't for my move from the east coast to the Midwest (a HUGE change for me, given that I had no friends or family out here and the furthest west I've ever lived prior to the move is Washington, DC), I never would have met the stranger on a plane who introduced me to the term misophonia. What a life changer!
Now I'm looking to make another huge change for me - a career change into academia. This last job was the final straw in over seventeen years of being unhappy from one architectural firm to another. The more
Anyway, between sending out academia job applications, pursuing consulting leads, exercising, trying to do more writing, as well as getting ready for my upcoming trip to London for the fMRI study, (not to mention doing some major cleaning out of the apartment here and there), I've actually been quite laid back relaxing in my apartment. I need to be very careful about being too complacent though. Although it may seem like I'm doing a lot, I find myself doing those efforts in short bursts in-between taking it easy and enjoying the lack of stress. Other than the occasional whining of my bird when I'm not paying attention to him, or the occasional triggers when I go out to exercise or do errands, it's been so heavenly to have little to no trigger exposure over these past couple of weeks. I know I need to force myself out of the apartment more; but after years of constant work and misophonia stresses with almost no vacation or downtime, I feel like this break is just what my brain and body needs to reboot myself and start over with a brand new perspective.
It's probably good that I let myself recharge. As much as I know the fMRI study is important for people to learn more about misophonia, every now and then I think to myself, "What did I get myself into?" I'm deliberately going to subject myself to triggers, and not be able to move an inch while I'm being exposed to sensations that drive me crazy. (I better come up with a good mantra to say to myself while taking the tests.) Granted, the information that the study organizer sent to me said I can stop at any point before or during the tests; in my mind, that's not an option because doing so would not allow others to understand what I'm going through. I want to do this. I need to do this, if nothing else than to help doctors and scientists try to understand this condition better and get closer to finding a cure. At least I decided to treat myself to a relaxing afternoon tea and a spa treatment to unwind after going through the tests.
In the meantime, I'm thinking about going to an early morning movie at the Cinema 20 across the street from my apartment sometime this week. (Would you believe in nearly 2-1/2 years, I still have yet to step foot in that place?) I figure, "Why not?" Most kids are in school and most adults are at work at 10:30 in the morning; so it could be an ideal time to go see a movie with minimal exposure to triggers in the theater. Maybe not having a 9-5 job (or an 8-7+ job in my case) for a little while could actually be a good thing. Not that I'm going to make a habit out of it, but this opportunity might allow me to do something I enjoy, but haven't been able to experience in quite some time. We'll see how it goes.