Okay, I'll admit that since this website launched in 2012, this is the longest I've ever gone between blog posts. It's not that I haven't had misophonia happenings in all that time, I'm just finally getting a handle on all the responsibilities of my (not so) new position. Probably helped that it's been almost three months since  the PITA employee left (although I'm still having to deal with the chaos she created on the project on which she had been working), but also what helped was having a wonderful summer intern that, despite being 10 years the PITA's junior, she performed infinitely better! Friday was the summer intern's last day before heading to a semester abroad in Spain, but even she said she's looking forward to coming back to work for us over January-term and next summer too. It's amazing how having a wonderful employee can make the office experience so much more enjoyable and productive.

But enough of talk about employees... Yesterday my thoughts went to how different my misophonia experiences are now as a managing partner of an office versus years past when I was just another employee cog in a much larger corporate machine. It's not that my triggers have lessened (although perhaps being in a smaller office means that there are fewer people in my regular office environment surroundings who might create triggers). No, it's more that the situations where I am exposed to triggers puts me in situations where I'm less able to address them because of my position.

What do I mean by that? Well, as an employee surrounded by dozens of coworkers in cubicles, I found that if there was someone in an adjacent cubicle who regularly created triggers (such as whistling), usually I would be able to go up to that person and politely explain my misophonia and ask that person if (s)he could be so kind as to not create that trigger. If the situation became so bad that I was being triggered by multiple people around me, I was fortunate that the last two companies where I worked allowed me to move to another cubicle location - which usually helped.

In my current position when, at most, there are only two other people in the office (one of whom has a private office), the majority of my triggers occur outside of the office - when meeting with clients at their office or at a job site. It's a delicate situation to be sitting at a conference table with multiple clients who are clicking their pens or drumming their fingers on the table yet despite the torture, you can't afford to offend them. (It's even worse when it's a lunch meeting and everyone is eating crunchy potato chips out of crinkly bags). That's a more challenging situation than having to deal with triggers caused by fellow employees and more often than not I try to sit through the agony quietly - like I did for the many years before learning about misophonia. It's rare now that I reach for my earplugs, for fear that I'll miss something important during the meeting.  No... With my current leadership position, I've found that I've had to go back to "toughing it out" over speaking my mind.

Of course I'm still fairly open about addressing my discomfort in public when I'm exposed to triggers, but when it comes to triggers caused by clients... I'm still at the point where, unless they know me very well, I hold my tongue and hope that that it winds up being an efficient meeting instead of a long, drawn out one.

For those of you who know me well, I'm a self-professed geek. I still have my Atari 2600 (not plugged in, but I still have it), I love playing with gadgets and new technology toys, and love sci-fi movies/shows. Despite my geekiness, I'll admit that I am behind the general populace when it comes to social media and technology glitches/frustrations, like the ones I've had over the past week, make me want to "gravity test" my computer or the offending electronic device.

For instance, I just spent the past hour trying to figure out why the "poll" feature that I've had on this website since the day I launched it in 2012 wasn't working the way I wanted it. When I created these polls, it was with the idea that ANYONE who submits an answer could see the result of the poll. For whatever reason, whether it was this website's host updating their system or the poll host changing theirs, the results of last week's poll was only viewable by me. I tried looking up the answer in the web host's "Knowledge Area," but it only showed me how to create the poll their new way - which wasn't working the way I wanted. I went to PollDaddy (the host that USED to be directly linked to the website's host) and found out that I now have to copy/paste the code directly into my webpage code for it to work. I can't see the result while in editing mode but thank goodness it shows up on the actual webpage. So if you answered the current poll question before today, please resubmit your answer.

Other techie glitches this week included my car's dashboard being in constant reboot mode due to one of the preinstalled applications automatically downloading a code upgrade with glitches. (I was one of hundreds who went back to the dealer on this one). I couldn't use the map... Couldn't use the radio... Couldn't use my phone bluetooth... Very annoying!

Misophonia-wise... I was happy to have the last couple of days to myself in my office. The young intern, who I like a lot, is traveling until Wednesday. Very nice to have a break from her opening crinkly bags and crunching crisp vegetables/fruits during the day. Also, yesterday I met with two of my clients in a small conference room where I sat in-between the two of them. Of course they both were clicking their pens, tapping their fingernails on the table, and other misophonia triggers to which I couldn't respond. That was the longest 2-1/2 hours I've had to endure in a LONG time! 

Looking forward to a bit of quiet recoup time to myself today.  :-)

This is what happens when I don't go to my weekly writing MeetUp group meetings... Another long gap between blog post updates. Sheesh. My bad...

Can't say that it wasn't justified though. Now that my previous coworker is no longer with the firm and we have a new summer intern who has been so lovely and productive, I'm finally whipping our office back into shape. It's not 100% trigger-free at the office (the intern likes eating healthy, albeit crunchy, foods or things in crinkly packages throughout the day) but at least she seems to be more compassionate about my condition - occassionally even asking if something she does triggers me. She'll only be working with us until the first week of August but just in the three weeks she's been with us, it's been an infinitely better work situation than before.

I do have some interesting misophonia tidbits that have occurred over the past couple of weeks. One big one is that on two separate occassions I actually dreamt about triggers - and even remember trying to flee from them. That's a new one for me on two accounts: One - that I even remembered my dreams, and Two - that I actually dreamt about being triggered. That's going to be a new poll question on the homepage of this website. It will be interesting to see how many other people dreamt about misophonia or triggers. 

Another big thing is happening tonight: The premiere of the "Quiet Please" documetary about misophonia. As much as I had hoped to attend the premiere event, it just wasn't in the cards for me. I wish the Jeffry Gould all the best and look forward to seeing it if he submits it for film festivals out here on the west coast. If you'd like to see a trailer for the movie, click on this link. The documentary has already been getting noticed in the press: https://www.statnews.com/2016/06/17/misophonia-noise-rage/ 

Other thank that, I've had the usual trigger incidents in public places (fidgiting, eating sounds, mothers kissing their babies to soothe them). The worst however was one horrific experience when a woman customer representative started whistling on the phone while I was using my Bluetooth earbuds for hands-free talking. Never have I ever had whistling pierce my ear canal that badly mainly because it was the shortest distance between the source of the trigger sound and my ear. It was shocking and hurt so much, I actually ripped the earbuds out of my ears as I snapped, "Please don't whistle!" It took me a while for my heart to stop racing after it happened. All I can say is, "Yikes!"

This past week was an unusual one... In a good way! Last Monday was the final day for the junior person in my office - a big source of my misophonia triggers. The rest of the week felt a bit strange... I can't say why, since I've been alone in the office before when she took a week off here and there for vacation. It was just so heavenly to not have to cope with her eating triggers or scramble to put on my earbuds to mask some of the other triggers she created. Maybe internally I was experiencing a sense of renewed peacefulness knowing she won't be coming back.

The past week was less stressful in not having to deal with her additude when she couldn't comprehend why I wore my earbuds. Never mind the fact that I only put them on when she would trigger my misophonia, but not once did I ever ask her to stop. My reasoning is that she had just as much of a right to eat at her desk or do the other things that would create trigger sounds, so I would cope as best as I could without asking her to change. It's a shame she never truly understood the compromises I made so as not to impose on her work environment. I never once requested that she alter her actions to stop making trigger sounds. Yet she had no qualms telling me off when my wearing earbuds meant she had to get off her butt and walk the 10' to my desk instead of being able to speak to me from across the room.

I can't say the week was completely trigger-free though. Typically I like to keep the interior door to the office open, which usually isn't an issue since the only other unit on the floor is a person's condo. This past week though the condo was having renovation work done so they kept their door open and often the contractors would be in the hall whistling. (Man... Between creative people fidgeting and contractors always whistling on job sites, sometimes I feel like I chose the wrong profession for my condition.) Oh well. I don't think I'll ever be in a trigger-free environment. I'll always have to deal with triggers as best as I can with whatever the situation presents.

My time alone at the office will be short lived though... A new summer intern is starting tomorrow and she seems very sweet. It will be interesting to see if the trigger-free office will remain that way.

Wishing you all a memorious Memorial Day.

Wow! Has it really been nearly three weeks since I last posted an update? Where has the time been flying?

So much has happened since I last posted: revelations, new developments, and SSDD stuff. The first week of May I was in Vegas for a hospitality design conference. It was great to meet up with old friends/colleagues and be back in a desert environment again. It revealed that my coughing issues that had been tormenting me since Christmas was a direct result of my tree/grass pollen allergies here in the PNW. (Even more of a reason why my goal for the upcoming year is to connect with new clients down south so I can move back to Vegas and start up an office location there).

Trigger-wise during the conference, I experienced the SSDD triggers that I normally do whenever I travel or am immersed in crowded events: whistlers, fidgeting anxious people at the airports, eating noises... I just do the best I can with mitigating my exposure to the triggers or wear my earplugs most of the day so people don't have to see me inserting them into my ears. One evening I got to a restaurant before a friend and when the host tried sitting me at the end of the bar right in front of the bathroom doors and directly underneath a speaker, I was proactive and asked him to be seated elsewhere. He put us at the other end of the bar - right where the servers went in and out of the kitchen - but I still felt it was better than the distraction of people bumping into me trying to go in and out of the bathroom.

A little over a week ago I went to a new misophonia meetup group that started near me. It was fairly small (only three of us) but that's understandable being that it was the very first meeting. I've only been to one other meetup before (the UK Misophonia Meetup group)  which seemed to be a more casual meeting, but I liked the fact that the organizer of this new group put a lot of thought into the meeting structure. It was nice to hear everyone's experiences with misophonia as well as to be able to share mine with people who truly understood what I experience on a daily basis.

The most exciting misophonia happening for me though was the resignation of the junior designer in my office. Even though she knew about my misophonia, many times she would say to me, "I don't understand why you have to wear earplugs or listen to your music so loud." Let's just say I won't be missing her frequent eating noises every couple of hours (potato chip bags, scraping yogurt cups, dropping handfuls of nuts onto her desk, eating crunchy apples, clinking her silverware on the china bowls when she ate her oatmeal in the morning... etc.) There will only be about a week of having the office to myself until our summer intern starts, but I'm looking forward to savoring the quiet environment during the time I have.

One other goal I have this weekend is to make my travel plans to go back to NYC for Father's Day weekend so I can see the opening screening of Jeffrey Scott Gould's misophonia documentary called "Quiet Please." 

I'm long overdue for a blog update and as much as I want to write a lot here to make up for that (including all the wild misophonia triggers I had to deal with during a conference trip this past week) but in all honesty... This is going to be a short entry (mainly because it's a Sunday, and my birthday, and I spent over eight hours of the day at work of all places). I just want to go home and enjoy what few hours are left in my birthday.

I will just briefly note that in the past week+ that I haven't written in this blog, I have been amazed by the number of customer representatives (nurses, sales representatives, hospitality staff, etc.)  I've had to deal with who chew gum while working with customers. It baffles my mind. Putting aside my misophonia discomforts with the sound of gum chewing, it's not very professional to me.

​Just saying... 

I had to make that the title of this post because that's the comment my MeetUp friend said after a misophonia interaction that just occurred...

I've been working on my writing at our regular meeting place way before the meeting was scheduled to start and had an interesting experience right after the group leader arrived. He was just settling into our table when someone waiting in line across the room started whistling VERY loudly. (One of my biggest triggers.) I debated about whether or not I should ask the person to stop but finally went over to the man. I sheepishly said to him, "Can I ask you to not whistle? I have a medical condition and it really hurts my ears."  He gave me a funny look but then said okay, and stopped. What surprised me was that he then said to me, "Thank you for asking," to which I replied, "Thank you for being so understanding." That's when the  leader of my group, who knows about my misophonia, looked at me and said, "Good people!"  That was a first for me! Not so much that he was willing to stop, but that he actually thanked me for asking him to do so.

What's funny is that after the man left, my friend looked at me and said he now had an earworm that's giving him the urge to whistle "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," since that's what the man was whistling. He was struggling because he wanted to whistle the song but knew that doing so would be very painful for me. What's weird is normally I like that song (when it's sung) but didn't even realize that's what the guy was whistling. I only heard the whistling sound and immediately felt my trigger response kick in. It didn't even hit me WHAT the song was, only that the whistling was torture to me.

Every now and then I'm pleasantly surprised at how compassionate some people in this world can be!

As much as I like my new job, the demands of my new responsibilities makes it tough to post blog updates as frequently as I'd like. (Just not enough hours in the day/week/month/...)   %-)

Over the last couple of weeks I had quite a few misophonia things going on... Firstly, I finally connected live with Jeffrey Gould - the filmmaker who is doing the "Quiet Please" documentary on misophonia. It was so good to finally speak with him after over a year of only electronic communications and am very excited that we connected on so many levels. Although he's wrapping up the editing process for the film screening premiere in June, he is looking for mini contributions of 30-second responses to several misophonia-related questions to be interspersed within the documentary's formal interviews. For more information on how to contribute, click HERE.

Last week I also attended a hospitality industry panel/networking event and did my usual scoping out of (what I thought to be) the least trigger exposure place to sit in the room where the panel session was being held. Normally that means sitting in the front row of seats, directly in front of the speaker or projection screen to keep my focus on the presentation instead of potential visual triggers in my peripheral vision. This time it backfired on me. In order for the panelists to have more of a connection with the audience, this organization had the panelists sitting on-stage WITHOUT a long table in front of them for glasses of water and table microphones. I completely understand the logic behind having the people sitting casually on-stage but for me, it was a NIGHTMARE.

There were two groups of about 6-8 panelists during the 2-hour meeting. The problem I had was that when one person was speaking, several of the other panelists would be tapping their feet or bouncing their legs (whether out of boredom, nervousness, or or just subconscious movement to keep the blood flowing... Who knows?) I was actually surprised that the worst culprit of the feet tapping would keep tapping both feet even when he was speaking. It made for a difficult situation for me. Being at the front of the room, I couldn't move to another seat without the entire room seeing me interrupt the panel session. If I looked down at the carpet, it would appear to others that I was not paying attention - either by appearing to be looking down at a cell phone (which I wasn't) or perhaps looking like I was nodding off to sleep. If I tried to close one or both eyes to block the trigger offender, I would look weird to the people on stage. (Again, either looking like I was falling asleep or perhaps winking at someone.) 

What made matters worse is that the woman directly behind me kept clicking her pen very fast. Every now and then I'd glance behind me (I.e. Give the "evil eye" glare), which I'm sure the clicker saw but continued clicking anyways. ARGH!

The other major misophonia trigger annoyance I've been having lately is related to the major allergy season escalating right now. I'll admit I've been having my own frustrations trying to breathe - having recently found out I'm allergic to all the major trees and grasses in this area which are just starting to pollinate now. With me, the allergens have exacerbated my underlying asthma - so I'm coughing a lot. My coworker has a different allergy response. She's constantly sniffling - which is driving me CRAZY at work. In fact, I am thrilled for the times when she has to go to a job site or I have to go to a client meeting so I don't have to be in the same room as her. I just want to shove a box of tissues under her nose and say, "Just use one already!"

I'm looking forward to the day when I don't have to deal with these pollen allergies whether mine or others!

Over the past year I've noticed that misophonia has been getting a LOT more mention in the public realm - especially when compared to the limited amount of information that was available back in 2012 when I first learned about it. So many more blogs, interviews, research studies, websites and this coming mid-June there will be a special screening for a new film documentary about misophonia. It's so exciting to know that misophonia may eventually become as well-known a condition in the main-stream realm as dyslexia or autism is now (as compared to when people were first learning about those conditions).

The one thing that I'm hoping will eventually improve is people's understanding that misophonia is not just about sound sensitivity, but that it affects other senses as well. Granted, misophonia literally translates to "hatred of sound" but my misophonia experiences this week were perfect examples that this condition extends beyond aural sensitivities, even if the aural ones still play a huge factor with my discomfort...

Probably the most notable scenario  from this week was when I had an initial meeting with a mentor to help me improve my business/managerial skills. We agreed to meet at a coffee shop, which has been a venue type that I've been frequenting over the past few years whenever I want to get out of the house and do some writing. Unfortunately, there was an unusual customer in the place where we were scheduled to meet. What I mean by that is sitting at a table adjacent to the only one left for us to sit was a man plucking away at a guitar while wearing headphones. I love listening to live music but he wasn't one of those coffee house 

Ever since I learned I had misophonia, I've been more vocal about expressing when triggers bother me, instead of keeping the stress of the annoyances bottled up. I don't mention my discomfort every single time, I'm pretty selective based my gauging the situation - whether I feel the person may be understanding or hostile by the request... Even determining how much I can mitigate the trigger stresses by my own actions without having to confront someone (such as by putting in earplugs, pulling my hair over my peripheral vision range to serve as blinders, or even being able to re-position myself in my environment).

Today for instance, I came early to the donut shop where my meeting group regularly meets to try and snag a table for the group. (Saturday mornings are very popular for families to come enjoy a sweet ringed treat with the kiddies.) The first thing I did when I walked in the door was try to scope out a table that would be large enough for the group. It was so packed with families when I arrived, but I was lucky to find the one four-seater table right next to the door. Without missing a beat, I specifically chose a chair that faced the door, and which would keep my view  away from the numerous visual triggers that I would have experienced by fidgeting/restless kids had I been seated facing the main seating area.

It still wasn't a perfect situation though... I hadn't put my earplugs in yet so it felt like my ears were being stabbed when a mother expressed love to the toddler in her arms by loudly kissing the toddler on the cheek. Then I got hit with another trigger by a little five-year old boy whistling with a high-pitched tune. For some reason, I find that kids whistle a lot - perhaps because they are intrigued by the sound they're able to make. In those situations, I know better than to approach the child. I only approach a parent if the sound is so piercing that it goes through my earplugs/earbuds but even then, it's rare that I do it... Some times when I have expressed my comfort by a child's whistling, the parent gives me a dagger stare like how dare I complain about their perfect child. It's just not worth it to me...

There are times when I do feel comfortable expressing my discomfort in public situations though and the results are more positive. I mentioned about taking the little box of gum from a reception desk's candy bowl as a trigger preventative action and when I explained why I did it to one of my sales rep friends, he was not only intrigued about misophonia and wanted to learn more, since then we've had very interesting discussions about my experiences.

I also once told the travel agent who handles my company's flight/hotel reservations about my misophonia - mainly because she wanted to help me select my seats for upcoming flights. I explained to her about my misophonia and even my thought process when looking at a seat map. E.g. Will the seat be too close to the galley area where the constant sounds of the flight attendants opening soda cans will trigger me? Are both seats taken behind a potential seat for me or only one seat, with the seat next to it being empty? If both the seats are taken (or even all three seats in a three seat row), then to me that means that a couple/family/or even two people who know each other well want to sit together - which means they'll likely be talking during the entire flight. If only one of the seats are taken, then most likely the people sitting in that row will not know each other and will be less likely to want to hold a long conversation during the flight. (Mind you, that logic doesn't always work because some times people who may not know each other could still spark a long conversation, but that scenario is much less likely to happen).

Ever since I told the travel agent my misophonia trigger mitigation logic, she tries to keep that reasoning in mind but unless I don't have access to the seat map before my flight, more often than not I'll still check to see if there may be potential better seat options. Sometimes it's just looking at the situation and gauging the feeling in your gut... Trying to avoid triggers in public places is never going to be a perfect situation. All I can do is be proactive with managing my comfort levels as best as I can.