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The "Butterfly's Whisper" Blog

Welcome to my blog. I hope by sharing my own misophonia experiences, others who are frustrated with misophonia sensitivities will discover that they're not alone. I also hope that people who may not have misophonia will gain some insight about what it's like to have this condition.

Please feel free to post any comments or use the "Contact Us" page if you have any questions/comments you don't want to post online.

Contact ME

Goodbye 2014...

12/31/2014

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... and hello 2015!  I'm looking forward to putting 2014 in the past. What a whirlwind of a year!

To top it off... Typically, I enjoy being at work during the week between Christmas and New Years because almost no one is in the office.
Usually it's so peacefully quiet and trigger-free. Unfortunately, not this year...

Unlike last year, where I enjoyed the blissful peace and quiet from not a soul being in my area of the office - because everyone was on vacation - unfortunately, not only was my cubicle mate there, but she decided to do some end of year cleaning of our entire area. It went beyond just throwing out papers, she felt the need to organize desk supplies in the common portion of our countertop - thereby jostling the surface and sending vibrations my way. 
It was bad enough last week when people kept jostling the table while devouring all the holiday goodies the sales reps and manufacturers' sent us. It got to a point where I stopped what I was doing to just watch her. She said she couldn't understand why what she was doing was so bothersome. It's hard enough to get a non-sufferer to understand what it feels like to experience sound triggers. It's even harder to explain how the vibrations of her trying to straighten a half ream of paper by banging it on the desk is just as annoying - if not more so since, unlike sound, you can't block it out with headphones.

[Sigh!] Thank goodness the owner of the company closed the office early. There's only so much tactile triggers I could've tolerated today. It felt so good to finally be able to get out of there, go home and stretch out by the fireplace with a glass of champagne (or two), and my cockatiel nuzzling into the side of my cheek. A relaxing end to a stressful day/year.  
 
Best wishes to all for a happy (and trigger-free) New Year!
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A (not so) jolly Xmas...

12/27/2014

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It's very strange being in the middle of the desert for the holiday season. Not saying that the location is a bad thing, I actually think it's beautiful out here, just very strange that the leaves only started to change colors at the beginning of December and even now, it resembles more of an autumn day to me than winter. It's actually quite refreshing after two years of temperatures in the -20's (yes, Fahrenheit) and lower.

But being out in Vegas is not the reason why my Xmas was not so jolly. (I still love it out here.) No, the reason why is that I've been having issues with my downstairs neighbors cranking up the bass on their Bose system and slamming doors out of passive aggressiveness for months now. As bad as it has been, Thursday was the ABSOLUTE WORST. From 10 a.m. onward, the Bose system was so loud, I could actually FEEL it - even while taking a break lying on my new foam mattress in the back room of the apartment. It felt like I had a vibrating bed (which I do, but the massage feature was off).

Normally, I'd leave my apartment to escape from the noise but I was determined to use that day to get my place in shape for visitors. For seven hours, I unpacked boxes and hung pictures - sometimes even cranking up my music to try to camouflage their noise. (I like loud music too - when I can hear the music and not just the thumping of the bass line. I just normally listen to it in the privacy of my car or while wearing earbuds at work.) After the seven hours, I was developing such a migraine that I decided to take a break and pick up some Chinese food for dinner. (What's a Jewish girl to do on Xmas - especially after being deprived of it for two years because ALL the restaurants in the Midwest where I lived were closed for Xmas?)

It was actually nice to give my head - and body - a break to unwind but what happened when I got back was too bizarre for words. I was barely in the apartment for 5 minutes unpacking the Chinese food when my doorbell rang. It was my downstairs neighbor yelling at me and threatening, "If you call the police on me again...) I didn't have a clue what the hell he was talking about. I was gone for over an hour and despite being really pissed off that he was blasting his music all day, I wasn't going to complain about it on Xmas. I'm not a Scrooge! Now, if he had continued blasting his Bose beyond midnight, then I wouldn't consider it Xmas anymore and I would've complained, but the noise was gone when I got back from my drive.

No, I hadn't called the police on him... His music was so loud during the day, it wouldn't have surprised me if one of the other neighbors called in a complaint. Seeing how he was brazen enough to come up to my apartment and threaten me though... That action made me call the police. Four officers came and after speaking with me about what happened, they went down to him and told him to leave me alone.

What's even more bizarre is that he told the officers that the reason why they play their music so loud is because they have a baby with a congenital heart defect and (supposedly) the loud music is supposed to help the baby. Okay, I'm not a doctor but that sounds completely ridiculous to me. How is LOUD music beneficial to a baby with a weak heart?!?!? They also have two other girls (I can only guess who are 5 and 7 years old) in their apartment. How the heck is playing music so loud for so long (and for so late) good for any of the children?

I can only hope that karma will eventually bite them hard  in the @$$ one day!  ;-)
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Does the Grinch have misophonia?

12/25/2014

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I'm always touched when one of my friends who know I have misophonia send me an article or some other link that has a connection to misophonia or sound sensitivities. This week was no exception...

First, my "sistah from anothuh mistah" sent me a link to an article about a woman who created a series of YouTube videos of her speaking softly and doing actions that create very soft sounds. Evidently,  for some people, the videos create a calming (almost euphoric) response called "autonomous sensory meridian response, or ASMR," In fact, one of her videos has become so popular, it's been viewed over 7 million times. Her YouTube channel, called Gentle Whispering, has been viewed over 87 million times. I tried to watch it but unfortunately for me, soft sounds like what I briefly saw in her videos are what trigger my misophonia. Very interesting though... The sounds that drive me actually are pleasurable for some people.

A couple of days after she sent me that YouTube link, another friend sent me a link to a website where the author presents a case for the reason why the Grinch is so angry... It's because for over 50 years, he's had to put up with the noises coming from the adjacent town below! My friend took that theory one step further and proposed that perhaps the Grinch also had misophonia! Watching the video, and relating it to my current situation in having to deal with an inconsiderate neighbor who loves cranking up the bass on his Bose system... I think there might just be some truth to the connection. Watch the video and judge for yourself if there could be a connection.

I also had the pleasure this weekend of meeting with another misophonia sufferer who reached out to me through this website. (I always appreciate it when readers include their location on the contact form. If she hadn't, I would not have known she not only lived in the same city as me, but we found out we live less than two miles away from each other!) We had a lovely conversation sharing our respective misophonia experiences, and I think she connected with some of the non-aural ones I mentioned too that she hadn't considered before. I look forward to continuing our discussion at another point.

I'd like to end this post by wishing you all a happy (and trigger-free) holiday season.  :-)
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'Tis the season... For triggers!

12/17/2014

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Today was an extremely rough day for me, misophonia trigger-wise. This time of year sales representatives and manufacturers always send yummy food baskets. At past firms where I've worked, these goodies are put in a common area - like the break room or samples library. Unfortunately for me, the most common area for my department happens to be a peninsula separating my desk from my cubicle mate's.

Today, we received a very popular holiday gift - a cheese, sausage, and crackers basket. I was very happy when it was first opened, since I have a culinary weakness for cheese. Today though, it was my trigger downfall. It was bad enough to have a crowd of people munching and gabbing right behind my chair as I was trying to work, not to mention the crunching sounds of crackers, pretzels, and crinkling food wrappers too, but I could feel the vibrations of people cutting food and knocking against the peninsula - which is directly attached to my desk. I blasted my earbud music louder than I've ever done at this place, but the vibrations traveling through the desk surface to my arms were just as annoying. I felt like I was going to explode... Worse than I've felt in a long time.

My heart raced as I struggled trying to figure out how I could deal with this overwhelming trigger stress. As much as I wanted to walk away and calm my nerves, that food basket would still be there - bringing more people looking for a snack.

After my supervisor stopped for a little nosh, I walked with him back to his desk to ask if there is any possibility for switching desks in the future. I was very apprehensive about doing so - especially since my nerves were so frayed at that moment. Looking back, I should've probably waited until I was calmer - but when is there ever a good time to bring something like that up. I wish I remembered what I said (again... I was overwhelmed with stress), but his reaction reminded me of all the times I've cautioned people to have a game plan for how to make your work environment more comfortable. He asked me where do I want to go? (My mind was a blank b/c I only went to him to gauge if moving was even possible.) When I couldn't answer him, he said, "Don't come to me with problems. Come with solutions!" (Doh! I felt like such an idiot.)

So, I went back to my desk mortified and cranked up my earbuds. After more vibrations from snackers bumping the table again, I asked one of the interior designers if they had any plush/padded fabric samples I could put on my desk to dampen my feeling the vibrations. Luckily for me, she knew of a product and requested two samples from the manufacturer for me to put under my arms while working. Hopefully, that could be one problem solved... (Fingers crossed!)

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More MRI madness...

12/6/2014

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Yes, that's right...I'm becoming a real pro when it comes to MRI tests. First, a knee MRI after a skiing accident, then my 3D MRI baseline testing last year followed by the multi fMRI misophonia research study tests in London this past February. Well here we go again, unfortunately not for more misophonia testing though. Before I go into why I'm going for more MRI tests, I just want to comment about the latest conference I attended this week.

I think conference facilities are getting wise to people like myself who like to detach the end chairs from rows - in my case, to eliminate the tactile vibration triggers felt when people kick or move around in chairs further down the row. (See my conference post from last year.) I went to a couple of seminars earlier this week only to find that the conference facilities screwed the chairs in the rows together. (Drat!!!) Maybe I'll start bringing a screwdriver to conference seminars from now own. Oh well...  That annoyance was minor compared to other happenings this week...

Over the past several weeks, I've been having issues with my shoulder that have been gradually getting worse - to the point of radiating down to my elbow and hand. (Think of a constant dull pain like someone pressing against your funny bone and refusing to let go.)  For those of you who have been following the SH blog for a while, it's the same shoulder that was injured in last year's car accident. I haven't had issues with it for over a year but whether it was having to deal with the move (packing, driving 1400 miles, unpacking..) or sleeping on an air mattress for over 3-1/2 months, something got it out of whack again... This time much worse - and even the tramadol that made me completely loopy last year (not to mention the one thing that ever alleviated my misophonia trigger sensitivities) didn't help an iota.

I went to Urgent Care earlier in the week, which was misophonia trigger hell. Like waiting areas in airports, waiting areas at Urgent Care clinics are markedly worse. You have anxious parents and patients fidgeting while waiting for their names to be called - not to mention the sniffling/coughing of sick people who can't be bothered to use a Kleenex. Over an hour and a half later I finally saw the doctor, but having had a


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    About the Author

    Emlyn Altman has been suffering with misophonia for over 35 years, even though she only found out about the actual medical condition much more recently. As frustrating as the condition has been over the years, her heightened sensitivities across all the senses considerably influenced her talents within the visual fine arts (particularly sculpture), music (singing, piano, and many other instruments), writing, and culinary backgrounds, as well as professional achievements as an architectural lighting designer. Her goal in developing this website is to promote more awareness about misophonia and help other sufferers as well.


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