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The "Butterfly's Whisper" Blog

Welcome to my blog. I hope by sharing my own misophonia experiences, others who are frustrated with misophonia sensitivities will discover that they're not alone. I also hope that people who may not have misophonia will gain some insight about what it's like to have this condition.

Please feel free to post any comments or use the "Contact Us" page if you have any questions/comments you don't want to post online.

Contact ME

Spoiled by my Vegas and NJ salons

6/27/2015

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When it comes to products or services, once I find a company or person that I like, I am very loyal to them. For twenty-five years, I used the same hair dresser in New Jersey - regardless of whether I was living in Boston, Philly, DC, or even Iowa. Once I moved to Vegas though, and my trips back home were not as frequent, I finally gave in and found a hair stylist I liked. I think what made me gravitate to him was that he studied under Vidal Sassoon like my hairdresser back in Jersey. He was excellent, and I liked the salon where he worked too. Now that I moved to the northwest, today was my first time with a new stylist. I think I've been spoiled by my Vegas and NJ stylists/salons because today was not as good of an experience as I hoped it would be.

Right off the bat, the place was very dark and gloomy. As an architectural designer, I understand the desire to used exposed structure and HVAC ductwork in a space, but it wasn't done well here. The walls were dark purple and the ceiling and upper 5' of the walls were painted black, so the sporadically placed adjustable lights were complete glare bombs - especially when having to look right up into them while having my hair washed. The styling chairs were also very uncomfortable, especially when having to sit in one for an hour.

You may ask why I'm going into this level of detail in a misophonia blog... I was already uncomfortable in the environment, so when someone started whistling to the loud music playing in the salon, I rushed to put my earplugs in. I felt bad for the stylist, who was very nice and tried to start some chit chat conversation. Unfortunately, wearing earplugs to block out trigger sounds on top of having to take my eyeglasses off while having my hair done (which meant I couldn't even fake being able to hear what she was saying since I couldn't lipread in a dark room - especially without my glasses), made it too hard to contribute to the dialogue. I tried to explain that I couldn't hear her because I was wearing earplugs since I was sensitive to sound, but she continued to ask me questions and try to converse. It was clear she didn't understand my discomfort.

Oh well... Maybe I just need to periodically take a trip back down to Vegas to have my hair done and see friends that I left behind.  :-)
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Officially a Washingtonian (again)

6/25/2015

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Okay, technically I'm a new Washingtonian (state), but I still count my 12 years back in DC as being a "Washingtonian" too. Yesterday I *finally* was able to get my car title transferred and now have Washington license plates. It was the longest transfer process I've ever had to endure but it's finally done. (Yay!)

Unlike my last visit to the vehicle title office, when I was able to wait outside until right before my number was called, I was so afraid that they'd lock the door on me, I waited inside the office. (I arrived barely a half hour before they closed). It was a small office but there were two people sitting on the other side of the wall from me (maybe 15' away) who kept tapping their shoes on the linoleum floor. Thank goodness I had a pair of earplugs in my purse and a clear view of the number counter otherwise they would've driven me crazy!

Luckily I was done within 15 minutes of first hearing them tapping too. Of course, going home to a bird whining every five seconds while vying for my attention was a trigger I didn't need after the DMV annoyance, but once I finished unpacking a few more boxes, I was able to take him out of his cage and put him on my shoulder, and he quieted down. (I'm sure I'm going to have to deal with him doing that again as soon as I get home tonight. Oh well...)
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Considering the prevalence of triggers

6/15/2015

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Sometimes I wonder if certain professions, or environments, are more prone to being sources of triggers than others. A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog post about my frustrations with whistlers while at my car dealer back in the Midwest. Well, this past Saturday I went to another car dealer to get my car serviced and wanted to tear my ears out with all the whistlers in the garage area where you drop off the cars. I actually had to stop my conversation with the customer service representative to put my earplugs in so that I could focus on what he was asking me.

Being all hard surfaces, the garage space was a big echo chamber - much like many a stairwell where I've experienced whistlers. I doesn't matter if the dealership is in the Midwest, Northwest, Southwest, or even East coast, I've had the same experiences every time I go to one to get my car serviced or look into getting a new one.. I'm convinced the more resonant a space is for sound to bounce around, the more it entices people to whistle, or make sounds to show off that echoing.

As far as certain professions being prone to creating triggers, over the years I've been involved in creative professions and activities and found that creative people like to keep active. Artists and other designers constantly doodle and play with their writing instruments (even if it's just flipping a pen around their thumb). Musicians frequently tap to the beat - even when there's no audible music - or whistle. Dancers frequently keep their feet moving, even while sitting in place. I could come up with MANY examples of situations where I've been around creative people fidgeting or creating other triggers.

What I find ironic is the number of books and articles that talk about how highly sensitive people are creative people as well. So if people with misophonia are highly sensitive people, and many highly sensitive people are creative people, and many creative people tend to fidget, whistle, or create other triggers... What is wrong with this picture?!?

Just more deep thought ramblings about my misophonia and life experiences.
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Breaking down the writer's block

6/12/2015

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It wasn't so much that I had writer's block, but rather a period of time when I didn't write specifically in my manuscript file. What I mean is that in the past year and a half that I haven't formally written in the formal manuscript file, I've still been posting to this blog and jotting down lots of thoughts in my paper journal, but yesterday I took the first step in focusing my effort in finishing up my memoir. I went to my first writers' MeetUp group and it was just what I needed... Save for the misophonia triggers.

One of the wonderful things about where I now live is that there are TONS of MeetUp groups, and more being added every day. When I first started researching the city and checked MeetUp.com, there were so many groups for hiking, biking, theater, and yes... Even writing. This particular MeetUp group meets three times a week and all that the members do is write... Sort of a "study buddy" thing, but for writers. No analyzing what we wrote, just being in a room surrounded by books and other people writing. People had laptops, pen and paper, one guy even had a typewriter! I know that this is a group that I need to stick with so that I can finally wrap up my memoir.

The only difficulty I had at the meeting were the occasional triggers - both audio and visual. I arrived a bit late (very difficult finding parking over there), so there weren't many places to sit left. (I was actually surprised at how many people were there. I'd say at least a dozen.) I sat next to the guy with the typewriter, not remembering how distracting the tack-tack-tack sound is compared to today's computers. It wouldn't have been so terrible except he kept bouncing his legs and cracking his knuckles too... Over, and over... It's like his hands/fingers would never stop being able to crack. I didn't say anything though. I was so new and the people were very nice. I probably could've said something. (Aren't most people annoyed with knuckle cracking?) Instead, I just put in my earbuds and started blasting music. I was so tuned out that I didn't even hear when one of the café people brought the food I ordered.

Evidently, different people come to the various meeting days, which are held in different locations too, so maybe next time I won't be so triggered. (That, or maybe I'll just try to get there earlier so that I can get a prime place to sit.) Regardless, despite people not really talking much, other than a brief conversation when I first arrived, I know this extra-curricular will be a good step in achieving my writing goals.
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Always fun at the DMV...

6/7/2015

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What I find very interesting about Washington is that, unlike any other state where I've had to transfer my license/plates, you can't do both in the same place in Washington. They have certain locations that only deal with drivers licenses, other places that only deal with vehicle registration. In some ways, it's a good thing. Compared to the 5+ hour wait time in Nevada the last time I had to update my info (and that was even arriving at 8 a.m.!!!), I was in and out of each in an hour or less.

Despite the efficiency of separating the  tasks, they both had waiting room with anxious people waiting their turn. In the driver's license place, that meant a huge room with people sitting and bouncing their feet/legs, kids running around squealing while playing with foam swords, mothers rocking their baby's to calm them down (either while sitting or walking around - the latter I found often meant they gravitated towards me, since I always tried to find a quiet, isolated spot away from the other people waiting). That place used the same system as most other DMV's I've visited, where they have different letter/number combination codes, so you really don't a clue how soon you're wait will be over. In my mind, that just adds to the anxiety, and fidgeting, of the people waiting, and exacerbates my misophonia triggers.

On the other hand, the vehicle registration place was MUCH smaller and although there really wasn't room for people to sit and wait, they had a simple "deli counter number ticket" system, with a counter clearly visible on the back wall. I knew exactly where my place was in line (I was #76 and they were on #60 when I got there),  so I was able to walk to the drugstore next door to take care of a few errands, walked back and they were on #68 so I checked out another adjacent store, and just waited in the beautiful weather outside. When I saw the counter read #74, I walked inside and was called within 2 minutes. Less misophonia trigger stress and a more pleasant experience.

I do think that DMV's like the first one should have a system like in Nevada where they text you when your turn is coming up, and you can send "s" (status) texts to get an estimated time, so you don't have to wait in a crowded room of anxious people for hours on end. Maybe one day more states will follow their lead.
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Triggers at professional event

6/5/2015

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This is my first attempt to start getting into a more regular routine of posting blog updates (or at least make them more frequent than one every couple of weeks.) I'm hoping that my arriving at work an hour and a half before the office opens will give me the opportunity to take advantage of this quiet time and write more frequent, and more concise, posts.

So, last night I went to a local awards banquet for the lighting association in my area. I was looking forward to meeting people in my industry out here. While waiting in line to sign-in to the event, five people behind me started popping gum out of the blister-pack of one person who was sharing it with everyone around him in line. The sounds of all of them chomping their succulent gum (yes, it was audible) drove me to the point of getting out of line and walking away to an adjacent corridor for about ten minutes. (Yes, it was that bad.)

After a period of time, when I was able to calm my nerves down a bit, I walked back to the entrance and was able to go in without much of a wait. (Thank goodness.) The entry door was right across from a water fountain though and I was a bit rattled when a guy started slurping very loudly from it. (Seemed kinda odd that he was even using that water fountain, considering they had a big, clear glass, beverage dispenser at the bar filled with water and slices of lemon and line. You'd think that would've been more appealing, and tastier too.)

There were two connecting rooms: a huge rotunda with all the 8-person dining tables for the main banquet, and a smaller side room with the bar. As much as I would've liked to schmooze with everyone by the bar, the acoustics were terrible and it was so loud, I could barely hear a person standing directly in front of me. So, I gave my ears a break and went back into the larger rotunda where I was able to have better conversations with the few random people who didn't want to be in the noisy room either.

Once the dinner and speeches started, it was much more enjoyable. Perhaps if I had worn my earplugs and done a little lip-reading during the social part of the evening, maybe I would've been more comfortable.

Next time...
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New beginnings...

6/4/2015

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PictureView from my new desk...
Again, the chaos of a cross-country move has interfered with my updating this blog, for which I apologize to the few loyal readers who have stayed by me during the inconsistencies of this past year. I think I have finally found the place where my roots can dig in and get back to a "normal" (or at least more consistent) routine.

This week was the first week where I headed up my new firm solo. (The person who I'm replacing retired last Friday.) It's been quite a hectic two weeks dealing with the transition but despite the heavy responsibilities and stress in running a company, I know this is going to be a good move for me.

The office is probably the smallest I've ever worked at (except for the one summer I worked for Dr. Joyce Brothers)... In general, it's very quiet (which makes the occasional soda can opening or pen clicking by my coworker across the room very noticeable). She likes to play her music out loud but softly. Normally, that buzzing sound is a big trigger for me, (like what happened at my prior company), but luckily she's about as far away from me as I can get and given our location over a harbor slip, the sound of the water and other marina sounds helps give a little bit of a buffer... Not a complete buffer but for the most part, it's enough.

There have been times though that it wasn't enough and I had to play music in my earbuds or put in my earplugs. Of course, those happened to be the times when my coworker started talking to me from across the room and couldn't understand why I didn't respond. Unfortunately, I wound up having to tell her about my misophonia - much sooner than I wanted to bring it up at my new office. I don't think she really understands but time will tell how it will affect our working interactions...

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    About the Author

    Emlyn Altman has been suffering with misophonia for over 35 years, even though she only found out about the actual medical condition much more recently. As frustrating as the condition has been over the years, her heightened sensitivities across all the senses considerably influenced her talents within the visual fine arts (particularly sculpture), music (singing, piano, and many other instruments), writing, and culinary backgrounds, as well as professional achievements as an architectural lighting designer. Her goal in developing this website is to promote more awareness about misophonia and help other sufferers as well.


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