I'm still convinced that there's something to the "Midwest Nice" mentality that's different than my prior experiences on the east coast. Every now and then, I still hear the fingernails tapping from the other side of my cubicle wall, even after I gave the fabric samples to my coworker. (See my 3/12/13 post for a little recap.) Today I walked over to her desk and noticed that the squares were still there, but shuffled a little bit amongst the sea of other papers on her desk. When I realized that those little squares probably aren't going to cut is because of how little they covered the desk and how much they shifted, I offered to bring in a larger piece of felt from home (one that would substantially cover the wood surface). I was a bit hesitant saying something because I'm sure it's a subconscious action on her part but again, her understanding reaction totally surprised me. She was very willing to try it if I thought it would help me.
We talked quite a bit about it and I found her concern that she had been disturbing me very comforting. I explained that it's so frustrating that this is something about my body with which I have no control. It bothers me that I'm bothered by such trivial things. The reason why I'm usually hesitant to ask people to stop is not so much that I'm worried about them thinking I'm crazy. (Most of the entire office is now aware that I have this condition because I've been careful to explain it to people one-on-one whenever I react to a trigger during a conversation.) No, lately what goes on in my mind when I'm approaching someone are thoughts about how they have just as much of a right to whistle, tap their fingers, or whatever they're doing as I have to want their actions to stop. I mean, shouldn't a people be able to eat, breathe, contemplate, or do things in whatever way they're most comfortable too? My coworker understood what I was saying and assured me that people here wouldn't want to knowingly make me uncomfortable if they know they could help it.
Talking with her, I realized that it's not just how I express my discomfort to triggers that makes it effective, it's the mindset of people in general that influences how well the message is received. Not everyone is tolerant to a person's differences especially if they don't understand them. Looking back at some of my previous firms back on the east coast, I'm sure that if I tried to express my discomfort to some of my previous coworkers, I don't think I'd get the same consistent understanding reaction as I do here in the Midwest. I think back to my last boss, who was a bit of a bully - especially when he knew how to "push my buttons" and take advantage of some of my weaknesses at that time. I'm sure if he knew about my condition (I didn't discover I had misophonia until over a year after I was laid off from that firm), he might've taken any opportunity he could to "innocently" create trigger actions just to rattle me.
I've even had experiences out east where I asked complete strangers to stop creating a trigger and it's amazing how intolerant the reactions were compared to out here. (Again, before I knew about misophonia.) For example, I was once waiting for a train on a metro platform and this guy was tapping his ring on the metal bannister by the escalator. The repeated clinking sound of the metal against metal in the echoing tunnel was so annoying, I meekly asked him if he could please stop. He looked at me and said gruffly, "Why?" When I explained the noise was bothering me, he looked away and kept doing it. I wound up walking to the other end of the platform to try to get away from the sound.
This is so different from my experiences with strangers out here in the Midwest. Heck, a couple of months ago I was on a plane headed for a business trip when a woman sat down in the row in front of me wearing perfume so intense, I thought I was going to die. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to breathe that air for hours and not get sick. Although I was sitting in a window seat, I asked the guy sitting in the window seat on the other side of the aisle if he would switch seats with me because I couldn't tolerate the perfume. I was sure he wouldn't switch seats with me, but he did! He had no reason to do so, other than being a kind person. I don't know if I would've found such an understanding stranger out east...
One day I hope misophonia will be more widely understood throughout mainstream society so that people will become more tolerant to the discomforts of sufferers like me.
One day...
We talked quite a bit about it and I found her concern that she had been disturbing me very comforting. I explained that it's so frustrating that this is something about my body with which I have no control. It bothers me that I'm bothered by such trivial things. The reason why I'm usually hesitant to ask people to stop is not so much that I'm worried about them thinking I'm crazy. (Most of the entire office is now aware that I have this condition because I've been careful to explain it to people one-on-one whenever I react to a trigger during a conversation.) No, lately what goes on in my mind when I'm approaching someone are thoughts about how they have just as much of a right to whistle, tap their fingers, or whatever they're doing as I have to want their actions to stop. I mean, shouldn't a people be able to eat, breathe, contemplate, or do things in whatever way they're most comfortable too? My coworker understood what I was saying and assured me that people here wouldn't want to knowingly make me uncomfortable if they know they could help it.
Talking with her, I realized that it's not just how I express my discomfort to triggers that makes it effective, it's the mindset of people in general that influences how well the message is received. Not everyone is tolerant to a person's differences especially if they don't understand them. Looking back at some of my previous firms back on the east coast, I'm sure that if I tried to express my discomfort to some of my previous coworkers, I don't think I'd get the same consistent understanding reaction as I do here in the Midwest. I think back to my last boss, who was a bit of a bully - especially when he knew how to "push my buttons" and take advantage of some of my weaknesses at that time. I'm sure if he knew about my condition (I didn't discover I had misophonia until over a year after I was laid off from that firm), he might've taken any opportunity he could to "innocently" create trigger actions just to rattle me.
I've even had experiences out east where I asked complete strangers to stop creating a trigger and it's amazing how intolerant the reactions were compared to out here. (Again, before I knew about misophonia.) For example, I was once waiting for a train on a metro platform and this guy was tapping his ring on the metal bannister by the escalator. The repeated clinking sound of the metal against metal in the echoing tunnel was so annoying, I meekly asked him if he could please stop. He looked at me and said gruffly, "Why?" When I explained the noise was bothering me, he looked away and kept doing it. I wound up walking to the other end of the platform to try to get away from the sound.
This is so different from my experiences with strangers out here in the Midwest. Heck, a couple of months ago I was on a plane headed for a business trip when a woman sat down in the row in front of me wearing perfume so intense, I thought I was going to die. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to breathe that air for hours and not get sick. Although I was sitting in a window seat, I asked the guy sitting in the window seat on the other side of the aisle if he would switch seats with me because I couldn't tolerate the perfume. I was sure he wouldn't switch seats with me, but he did! He had no reason to do so, other than being a kind person. I don't know if I would've found such an understanding stranger out east...
One day I hope misophonia will be more widely understood throughout mainstream society so that people will become more tolerant to the discomforts of sufferers like me.
One day...
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