It takes a lot for my misophonia triggers to push me over the edge to the point of rage. (Usually, my cockatiel has been the only instigator to push me to that point, and if I'm trying to do something where I don't want to take him out of the cage, like working on the computer, I just gather up my laptop and papers and walk out the door to get away from him.) Today I swear I wanted to explode...
I went to one of my project managers to give him an update on a project that's having some issues and while we're having the conversation, one of my other coworkers started whistling at the other end of the floor. Being that the space is all hard surfaces (brick walls, wood floors, glass windows, exposed metal ductwork), the sound traveled quite well down to where we were standing. I tried very hard (really, REALLY hard) to focus on our conversation, but every whistle just "jabbed" at my ears. I kept turning to see who was whistling as well as put my hand up to one of my ears. I must've looked ridiculous and although I'm pretty sure my project manager knew of my misophonia, I still felt like I needed to explain why I was acting so strangely. He just continued on with our conversation as if I hadn't made a comment at all, so I guess my actions didn't bother him (or at least not that he admitted).
After we finished our discussion, I went over to the other end because I had a feeling I knew who had been whistling. Since she and I joke around a lot in general, I went up to her and (with a laugh) said, "Was that you whistling?" She said that yes, she had a song that was stuck in her head. I don't remember what specific comment I made after that (it wasn't angry... probably more self-effacing), but it was clear from her reaction that she didn't know about my misophonia.
I described my sensitivities to certain sounds and visuals, and explained that it was the reason why I am located where I am in the office. She was very apologetic about the whole thing and luckily, I had to talk to her about another project anyway, so we were able to change the subject quickly and move onto something else.
As much as I was able to talk lightheartedly to the culprit after the fact, not to mention write about it here in a thoughtful way... When it was happening, I swear my head was all over the place trying to focus on the conversation I wanted to have and trying to deal with the whistling attack from afar. I think those far away triggers during times when I'm stuck in one place are the hardest to deal with because I know what the problem is but they're too far away to address. I wanted to explode, even though I knew I couldn't.
I think I'm going to go home, make a warm cup of tea, and cuddle up by my "butane lighter" of a fireplace while my cockatiel nestles into my cheek. (He actually is very cute when he fluffs up and relaxes that way.) Hopefully, that will help me unwind a bit.
I went to one of my project managers to give him an update on a project that's having some issues and while we're having the conversation, one of my other coworkers started whistling at the other end of the floor. Being that the space is all hard surfaces (brick walls, wood floors, glass windows, exposed metal ductwork), the sound traveled quite well down to where we were standing. I tried very hard (really, REALLY hard) to focus on our conversation, but every whistle just "jabbed" at my ears. I kept turning to see who was whistling as well as put my hand up to one of my ears. I must've looked ridiculous and although I'm pretty sure my project manager knew of my misophonia, I still felt like I needed to explain why I was acting so strangely. He just continued on with our conversation as if I hadn't made a comment at all, so I guess my actions didn't bother him (or at least not that he admitted).
After we finished our discussion, I went over to the other end because I had a feeling I knew who had been whistling. Since she and I joke around a lot in general, I went up to her and (with a laugh) said, "Was that you whistling?" She said that yes, she had a song that was stuck in her head. I don't remember what specific comment I made after that (it wasn't angry... probably more self-effacing), but it was clear from her reaction that she didn't know about my misophonia.
I described my sensitivities to certain sounds and visuals, and explained that it was the reason why I am located where I am in the office. She was very apologetic about the whole thing and luckily, I had to talk to her about another project anyway, so we were able to change the subject quickly and move onto something else.
As much as I was able to talk lightheartedly to the culprit after the fact, not to mention write about it here in a thoughtful way... When it was happening, I swear my head was all over the place trying to focus on the conversation I wanted to have and trying to deal with the whistling attack from afar. I think those far away triggers during times when I'm stuck in one place are the hardest to deal with because I know what the problem is but they're too far away to address. I wanted to explode, even though I knew I couldn't.
I think I'm going to go home, make a warm cup of tea, and cuddle up by my "butane lighter" of a fireplace while my cockatiel nestles into my cheek. (He actually is very cute when he fluffs up and relaxes that way.) Hopefully, that will help me unwind a bit.
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