At first, when I tried to assure my sister (in actuality, my cousin) that it was a pretty "matter of fact" trip for me, I think I was able to describe it better when I spoke to my aunt after having dinner with Don Alhart last night. (He was the anchorman who did the news report on heart attacks that featured my dad three decades ago.)
I told my aunt that although I remember a great deal of my past life there, I didn't have the kind of emotionality about being there that so many people expected me to have. It's so hard to explain, but the only way I could describe it is like thinking about a movie you may have seen thirty years ago. When you first saw the movie back then, the characters/actors may have really moved you, perhaps even to tears; but now thirty years later, you may remember some scenes vividly, but the emotional impact experienced while watching the movie isn't quite as intense - if there's any emotion at all. That's what it was like for me... I remember so many details of events that happened back then but the emotional connection wasn't there anymore. Even when I saw the news report on heart attacks again (when Don Alhart posted it on YouTube, I didn't even recognize my own father's voice!)
The only thing I could say to justify why I didn't experience the kinds of emotions that so many people expected from me was because that time period was only one quarter of my entire life - and even then, half of that time I wasn't even old enough to formulate the kinds of emotional memories that people think I should have. (I was only twelve when I left there.)
Be that as it may, there are so many things that have changed about my birth place since having left it so long ago... I don't want to say the adage, "You can never go back..." but so much of that area I honestly couldn't recognize anymore. I went back to the house where I lived and although for the most part it
So, after visiting some of the places I used to frequent when I still lived there, I had a very lovely dinner with Don Alhart, in-between his 6 p.m. and 11 p.m. newscasts. I hadn't seen him since I was eleven years old, yet he greeted me as if we were longtime friends. I shared many of the things that I've accomplished over the years and I asked him aspects about his interviewing my father, which I wouldn't have paid attention about as a kid. He mentioned one comment that my dad mentioned during the interview about how he used to dream about smoking after he gave up cigarettes cold-turkey after his initial heart attacks. We even talked about changing technologies too, like how reporters back when he did that news series would also work as a cameraperson on top of reporting. Years later, reporters and camerapeople became separate job positions; but now that camera technology has become more sophisticated and compact, reporters do some of their own camerawork again. It's like reporting technologies have come full-circle. Current camera technologies are so high-end now, news stations no longer need to use those big TV satellite trucks anymore.
Anyways, I don't need to go into a lot of detail about my trip, especially since much of it doesn't pertain to misophonia. I did ask Don about the possibility of doing a follow-up report to that heart attack news segment, especially since so many of what was said back then is true today. I figured it could be interesting to show how even though I wasn't raised by my father for most of my life, so much of him is a
Going back to earlier in the day... I also had a wonderful lunch with one of my father's closest friends. It was
nice to play catch-up with him, and I think he was somewhat surprised about how much I remember of my past from 30+ years ago. A couple of days earlier, I also had dinner with him, his wife, another close friend of my father's and her husband. During dinner, I did try to explain what I go through on a daily basis with my misophonia; I'm not sure if they truly understood how much it impacts my life though. They asked about potential medications and I tried to explain that since there isn't concensus about what causes misophonia and that everyone has different triggers, it's not so easy to find one thing that works for everyone. I also mentioned how I've tried a couple of different medications, but other than the Tramadol pain killers - which gave me some relief from triggers (but made it impossible for me to function cognitively) - I haven't had much success with medications.
All-in-all, it was a wonderful (albeit long overdue) trip to my birthplace. I may not have had the kind of emotional reaction so many people expected me to have, but it was great being able to catch-up with family friends, and it did help me to remember some events in my life back then that I really hadn't thought about in a long, LONG time. It also gave me the spark again to really push onward with my memoir writing.