So, despite my being very annoyed at him for setting off my misophonia this morning, I was thankful he did so that I could get my butt out of bed and go to the writer's meetup near where I live. (I'm hoping that this group can get me back on track with regular blog updates and finishing up my memoir manuscript. I've also made a few new friends in the group too.)
Today's meetup group was small (only three of us), but I did get into an interesting discussion with one of the people. He started to share some of his frustrations with where he is in life (compared with where books and articles say a person should be), and it got me thinking about my life too - particularly how I feel misophonia may have interfered with where I am now.
Don't get me wrong... Professionally, I have been quite successful in life - despite many of the challenges I've experienced along the way, along with the ones I'm dealing with now as an "Owner In Training." Where I
I'm in my mid-forties (getting close to being late forties) and I don't feel like I'm where I should be personally-wise. I always thought I'd be married and have a child when I was 30 but I'm far from that goal. On the one hand I crave being close to someone, and often miss the feeling I had when I did have a boyfriend with whom I really connected, but on the other hand my misophonia makes it difficult to be out in public and allowing me the opportunity to connect with someone new. I've always wanted to experience what it was like to be pregnant, yet lately I've been wondering if I could ever realistically have a child when I've noticed that some of children's actions (and even parents' interactions with their kids) triggers my misophonia. I know that's a big generalization and in some ways I technically do have a "child" in having raised my cockatiel for the past 14+ years, but I also know I can leave him in his cage to escape his whining whereas if I had a child, there would be no way I could have that immediate brief reprieve (at least not without having a husband or babysitter). Yes, many misophonia sufferers are successful in getting married and having kids (and even grandkids). There are just times where I wonder if that personal goal is truly realistic for me.
For instance, here I am sitting in a coffee shop with the rest of the writing MeetUp group and directly behind me a man sat while loudly kissing the forehead of his toddler son. Without any thought, I immediately turned my head to see where the loud, multiple "smacking" sounds were coming (literally three feet away from my ear). I felt myself glaring as I turned my head back to my computer screen because I know there was nothing I could do other than put my earphones on and blast music to cover up the kissy noises. (He has just as much right to kiss his kid as I do to not wanting to hear it.) I cursed myself - or more like cursed my ears - for becoming triggered by the expressions of love between a parent and his child.
This is so typical for my personal struggles with misophonia in public situations.