'Tis the season... For triggers!

12/17/2014

Today was an extremely rough day for me, misophonia trigger-wise. This time of year sales representatives and manufacturers always send yummy food baskets. At past firms where I've worked, these goodies are put in a common area - like the break room or samples library. Unfortunately for me, the most common area for my department happens to be a peninsula separating my desk from my cubicle mate's.

Today, we received a very popular holiday gift - a cheese, sausage, and crackers basket. I was very happy when it was first opened, since I have a culinary weakness for cheese. Today though, it was my trigger downfall. It was bad enough to have a crowd of people munching and gabbing right behind my chair as I was trying to work, not to mention the crunching sounds of crackers, pretzels, and crinkling food wrappers too, but I could feel the vibrations of people cutting food and knocking against the peninsula - which is directly attached to my desk. I blasted my earbud music louder than I've ever done at this place, but the vibrations traveling through the desk surface to my arms were just as annoying. I felt like I was going to explode... Worse than I've felt in a long time.

My heart raced as I struggled trying to figure out how I could deal with this overwhelming trigger stress. As much as I wanted to walk away and calm my nerves, that food basket would still be there - bringing more people looking for a snack.

After my supervisor stopped for a little nosh, I walked with him back to his desk to ask if there is any possibility for switching desks in the future. I was very apprehensive about doing so - especially since my nerves were so frayed at that moment. Looking back, I should've probably waited until I was calmer - but when is there ever a good time to bring something like that up. I wish I remembered what I said (again... I was overwhelmed with stress), but his reaction reminded me of all the times I've cautioned people to have a game plan for how to make your work environment more comfortable. He asked me where do I want to go? (My mind was a blank b/c I only went to him to gauge if moving was even possible.) When I couldn't answer him, he said, "Don't come to me with problems. Come with solutions!" (Doh! I felt like such an idiot.)

So, I went back to my desk mortified and cranked up my earbuds. After more vibrations from snackers bumping the table again, I asked one of the interior designers if they had any plush/padded fabric samples I could put on my desk to dampen my feeling the vibrations. Luckily for me, she knew of a product and requested two samples from the manufacturer for me to put under my arms while working. Hopefully, that could be one problem solved... (Fingers crossed!)

8 Comments

karen pannabecker link

12/24/2014 11:53:51 pm

Thanks for sharing your blog website on the Soundsensitivity forum. I was sympathizing with you as I read this post. Ouch, sounds like a bad day, except for the cheese part :)

Emlyn link

12/27/2014 06:50:08 am

Thanks for your feedback, Karen. It was a rough day but I eventually got through it. Yes, the cheese itself was quite good (but as tasty as it was, I don't think it was worth having to endure those triggers all day.) Oh well. Hopefully we're done with holiday food baskets for a while. :-)

Catherine Barber ('CatBar')

12/25/2014 07:10:51 pm

Ghastly ghastly ghastly! All that heedless bump-bump-bumping (and, for you, the chewing and bag-crinkling etc)! Why is the world so insensitive, impatient and unheeding..... well, it's the world of course, that's why [groan].

Is your supervisor really so lacking in patience, vision and insight that he couldn't take the time to look into your distress - OK, initially, at least he did ask 'where did you want to go', but, hey, you were distressed and desperate just then, and for people like us, our minds just don't function then! But non-sensitive people just can't or won't stop and consider WHY is somebody distressed - sadly, it's a rare person who has the patience, capacity and compassion to do that.

A good supervisor should take on and help sort out workers' problems (whatEVER these may be) as part of their job.... after all, a troubled worker cannot be productive, and this is not in the supervisor's interest, so it should be up to them to be more long-sighted, even if they cannot actually be compassionate.

Emlyn link

12/27/2014 07:00:20 am

Thanks for your support, Catherine. I can't fault him too much. in nearly 19 years working in this industry, he's one of the most laid back supervisors I've ever had. Unfortunately, due to other issues I've been having with company policies (most of which he's supported my side), I've been coming to him with many non-misophonia related problems too. Not something I'd want to discuss in this blog though.

The sad thing is that there is ONE place in the entire building that I can see would be an idea location to relocate away from triggers, but I can't imagine him agreeing to it. We have an isolated room where we keep our lighting samples. It's large enough to have a desk and I'd be completely isolated from surrounding triggers. The problem is that I'd be completely isolated from all the teams and staff with whom I regularly work.

The sad thing is that I just want to be isolated from misophonia triggers, not people altogether. I like the occasional visitor to my desk to discuss projects, or just to say hi. As I've mentioned in previous posts, this is the first firm where I enjoy ALL the designers with whom I've worked. How can I develop such close relationships with my peers only to isolate myself at the far end of the building away from all of them...

Eventually it may come to that point but since I've only been working there for a little over 4 months, I don't know if they'd even consider that solution. Time will tell which will win out...

Catherine Barber

12/27/2014 06:50:38 pm

That lighting room sounds idyllic - for me, freed from distractions of startling triggers, I would really begin to blossom there and to be at my most productive. Yes, I could then enjoy any visitor/s coming in, as it would be on 'MY' territory. Why is physical 'isolation' seen as such a bad thing.... to me it's just humanity not thinking outside the box, and just perpetuating the current school of thought: this obsession with sociability and togetherness and one-size-fits-all, at the expense of individual sensitivities. Maybe your supervisor IS basically a decent person, but most humans have only limited patience.

If I were a boss/supervisor I would make it a priority thing that each person could work where they feel most comfortable - it just doesn't make sense to me that everybody should just be plonked down in this one-size-fits-all fashion and expected to work at their best.

I feel SO lucky that, for the last 30 years, I've done cleaning work where I can mostly work alone, and be able to move around and away from possible triggers - and to wear all the earplugs and headphones I like without anyone getting shirty about this!

Emlyn link

12/31/2014 01:03:34 pm

It's good to hear from you again, Catherine. I'm sorry we couldn't connect when I was in London back in February for the misophonia fMRI study.

In some ways I envy you... If I remember correctly, you mentioned a while ago that you work evenings too, which I assume helps minimize triggers since there are less people around. It's funny... Some days, when the triggers are REALLY bad, I wished I had chosen a different profession altogether. Oh well... I gotta focus on trying to make my well-being better in the future. This move to Vegas has helped me "reboot" my life somewhat by steering me closer to that path.

Have a very happy (and trigger-free) new year!

Catherine Barber

12/31/2014 09:24:48 pm

Thanks Emlyn, and a - hopefully - happy and trigger-free New Year to you too!

I've never actually worked in the evenings as such - maybe I'd mentioned that I used to do school-cleaning work, which was from 3 - 5pm. I couldn't stand working in the evenings - I hate going out after Ive got back to my flat, so I make sure I don't commit myself to having to go out in the evenings.

It's incredible that you cope with working in a real profession, which naturally would commit you to a 9 to 5 (or more) workload, as well as obligatory interaction with all types of people (however annoying!), and having to work in a mercilessly crowded hectic environment. My sound-sensitivities made THAT option impossible: I'd be walking out in tears in a matter of minutes!

Emlyn link

1/1/2015 02:15:53 pm

I guess I remembered wrong (or maybe it was another reader from the UK).

That's one of my feelings too... After a long day of work, once I'm home, I just want to take it easy and relax. (If I exercise in the evening, I know I have to bring all of my workout clothes with me so I don't have to make that detour home.) :-)

Working in an office is tough, I've discovered but not all offices are alike. The smaller ones are a little more bearable than an open office with 100+ people in the same room. Offices with carpeting and ceiling tile have better sound buffering than those with exposed structure and hardwood floors. I still haven't found my mecca yet... Maybe one day. :-)

About the Author

Emlyn Altman has been suffering with misophonia for over 30 years, even though she only found out about the actual medical condition much more recently. As frustrating as the condition has been over the years, her heightened sensitivities across all the senses considerably influenced her talents within the visual fine arts (particularly sculpture), music (singing, piano, and many other instruments), writing, and culinary backgrounds, as well as professional achievements as an architectural lighting designer. Her goal in developing this website is to promote more awareness about misophonia and help other sufferers as well.

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'Tis the season... For triggers!

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