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The "Butterfly's Whisper" Blog

Welcome to my blog. I hope by sharing my own misophonia experiences, others who are frustrated with misophonia sensitivities will discover that they're not alone. I also hope that people who may not have misophonia will gain some insight about what it's like to have this condition.

Please feel free to post any comments or use the "Contact Us" page if you have any questions/comments you don't want to post online.

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Triggers at the car dealer

10/19/2013

2 Comments

 
When it comes to dealing with my misophonia, some days are harder than others. Today is no exception.

Weekends are typically the time when I catch up on errands and other things that I can't do during the workweek. A couple of weeks ago, I had a voicemail from a local Toyota dealer to let me know that the sales person with whom I dealt earlier in the year was no longer there and was I still interested in getting a car from them. I was actually very grateful when he said the guy was no longer there because that particular salesperson was very pushy, and had unprofessional sales methods that I didn't like at all. In fact, I avoided going anywhere near the sales area whenever I had to go to do anything in the service department.  In the end, his pushiness drove me to get my new car in a completely different state altogether.  So, when I got the voicemail saying that the salesperson was no longer there, I decided to stop by to meet with the new person as a side-trip to my other errands today.

When I walked into the dealer and approached the receptionist, I began to ask for the person who left the voicemail, but as soon as I began to speak, another salesperson walked in the door behind me whistling. Instinctively, I put my hand to my ear, because the sound was so piercingly loud and painful. When I turned back to the receptionist, who had a very perplexed look on her face, I explained that whistling hurts my ears. I then proceeded to again ask to speak to the salesperson who left the voicemail when the salesperson standing to her right started crunching on a hard candy. When that happened, I started sidling over to her left side, and even stood in such a way that when a third salesperson on my side of the counter started drumming his hands on the counter, I was able to partially block the view of his fidgiting hands with the potted plant on her desk. Unfortunately, the plant couldn't block the view of him also chomping on a wad of gum like a cow chewing on a piece of cud.  I just couldn't escape the triggers and even when I thought I had a little reprieve when the sales person stopped crunching on the hard candy, he put another one in his mouth and started crunching again.

Of course it was quite obvious that I was uncomfortable by the salespeople at the desk because where I ended at the far end of the long counter, was probably not the most ideal place for a customer to stand. In the end, I found out that the salesperson I came to meet was not only seeing a customer, but had another customer waiting for him; so I said I'd call him at another point. As long as I was there though, I decided to go to the service department to have something checked out with my car.

There weren't many people in the service department, so I was able to go in and be helped without any wait. The service people were friendly as always. (As much as I hated going in the sales area because of that one obnoxious salesperson, I've never had an issue with the service area.) As I was waiting for them to finish checking the fluids in my car (not why I went to see them, but I guess they figured since it's starting to get cold, it'd be good to check them out while I was there), I heard a high pitched wolf-call whistle. It happened a couple more times before I realized what it was... Someone had their cell phone alert signal set to that whistle. It reminded me of a time I was speaking to a representative in my apartment leasing office and the office manager had that same alert whistle. It's very life-like, but annoying as hell when the person gets email/text message alerts every couple of minutes. Oh well... The guys in the service department finished up shortly after that, so I was able to leave without any further trigger exposure there.

Of course, now that I'm sitting in a coffee shop trying to relax and write this post, I hear the loud "clank" over and over as someone eats his food with silverware on a ceramic plate. Over and over I hear the clanking... [Sigh] I think I'm just going to pick up my stuff and head over to one of the public libraries. They may be the only public places left where I can work in a quiet setting. (At least, they're somewhat quieter than any other public place where I've been of late...)
2 Comments
Jim
10/19/2013 08:48:33 pm

Car dealerships are a tough environment. My wife and I did the tour at the end of September. At the Toyota, the salesman came out whistling. Even though he himself had hearing issues and I explained it bothered me, it didn't help much. We did a quick test drive and when the Corolla made the final cut, we did a second test drive at a different Toyota.

I find libraries impossible. The relative quiet means the snifflers, the throat clearers and the food smackers really stand out. If I'm going to be at a library, headphones are a must.

One advantage of the sound devices is that they look like hearing aides. So if someone is whistling (really, you can't tell a stranger not to smack gum or clear her throat), you can point to them and say the whistling causes problems with them. For whatever reason, even though it's complete horse hockey, people usually understand.

But they are expensive. And Marsha Johnson's assertion that they gradually train your ear to handle input across the sound spectrum is a great big heaping load of Wrigley's spearmint. They're about the same as ear plugs - they give you a tiny bit more distance in public to handle minor triggers.

Reply
Emlyn link
10/20/2013 02:15:09 am

You're right, Jim. Quieter places like that do tend to make trigger noises stand out more easily. As soon as I got to the library, I struggled to find an "ideal" spot to minimize trigger exposure. There were kids talking at the public computers where they were playing online games then, at the place where I wound up settling down, I could hear a study group discussion a couple of tables away - and that was even while wearing earplugs. I would've used my favorite earbuds to cover up the sounds, but even my new ones are starting to fail from overuse. (The only way I can get both sides to work is to hold down the plug against the side of the jack - which makes it tough to type with both hands.)

Maybe I need to start looking for places with very loud, exposed ductwork. At least then I'm able to tune out the noise of the whooshing air, but it'd be loud enough to cover up the quieter triggers. Maybe I need to have my hair done and work while sitting under one of those old-fashioned bubble hair driers that surround the head with blowing air. If only Get Smart's "cone of silence" was on the market...

I don't know if you saw my previous post, but I did find a device that combines earplugs with sound masking noise. They look like hearing aid devices and they're about one-fifth the cost of the ones that Marsha Johnson sells. I just noticed now, when I went back to the website, that they come with "ear pillows" that are foam squares with a hole in them so that people can wear the devices while sleeping too. The hole provides a gap for the ear devices "antenna" protrusion. (FYI: The website is http://www.earplugstore.com/snproinwhnom.html)

Anyway, as sad as it is that sometimes sufferers need to resort to using excuses like triggers messing up "hearing aids" or saying that they just had ear surgery and can't tolerate those sounds (yet), until misophonia becomes more generally understood by the public, at least it's something that people can understand (like feedback noise). One day people will understand, and those explanations won't be necessary. One day...

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    About the Author

    Emlyn Altman has been suffering with misophonia for over 35 years, even though she only found out about the actual medical condition much more recently. As frustrating as the condition has been over the years, her heightened sensitivities across all the senses considerably influenced her talents within the visual fine arts (particularly sculpture), music (singing, piano, and many other instruments), writing, and culinary backgrounds, as well as professional achievements as an architectural lighting designer. Her goal in developing this website is to promote more awareness about misophonia and help other sufferers as well.


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